The Struggles of Maintaining Relationships When You Have Young Children
- Christina Parise
- Mar 10
- 5 min read
The Struggles of Maintaining Relationships When You Have Young Children
As a therapist at Clear Mind Counseling, I find myself constantly reflecting on the ways life changes with age and responsibility. The shift from carefree, spontaneous hangouts to the daily grind of managing life, work, and for many of us—parenthood—can be challenging, especially when it comes to maintaining friendships. But what happens when you're a parent to young children, and your friends don't have kids yet or their kids are adults? How do you maintain meaningful connections when the demands on your time are so different?
It's not an easy topic to tackle, but it's a conversation I have with clients all the time. And it's one that I, too, have personally experienced. Life after kids can feel like living in two different worlds: one where you're running on little sleep, squeezing in naps, and tackling never-ending to-do lists, and another where your friends can still casually grab coffee, chat about their latest adventures, or go on spontaneous trips. The realities of these two worlds can create a disconnect that leaves you feeling guilty, misunderstood, or even frustrated.
The Discrepancy of Life Demands
Let's be real for a second—parenthood is hard. The demands are unrelenting. From the moment your kids wake up (often before sunrise) until the time they finally fall asleep (usually after numerous bedtime routines and negotiations), it feels like the day is a marathon of emotional labor, constant multitasking, and navigating the unpredictable nature of small children. And then there's the whole "me-time" aspect—finding time for self-care, work, or even a semblance of a social life becomes like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
Meanwhile, friends without children (or friends with adult children) are navigating their own struggles. Some are building careers, others are cultivating their social lives, and some may be enjoying the freedom of spontaneous adventures or late-night conversations without worrying about a 6 a.m. wake-up call. As much as we love our friends and understand their experiences, there's no denying that the gap in life demands can make connecting feel harder than it used to.
An Evolving Level of Understanding
When talking with friends who don't have kids, we can exchange our stories, but it's clear that we're at different stages in life. They understand that you're busy, and you're grateful for their patience. But there's a difference between understanding and truly living the experience. It's hard to explain what it feels like to be pulled in a million different directions every single day, to want to be there for your friends but also feel like you're drowning in your own responsibilities.
As much as they can empathize, there are days when you might feel like you're on a completely different frequency than your friends. When they talk about their plans for the weekend or the trips they're considering, it's hard not to feel left out—or worse, like you're failing at being a "good friend" because you simply can't keep up.
The key is finding a balance between staying connected and acknowledging the reality of our respective life stages. You've had to learn that just because you can't make every event or drop everything for a last-minute phone call, it doesn't mean you don't value the friendship. The understanding has to go both ways: be honest about your limitations, and trust that your friends will understand that your time and energy are no longer as abundant as they once were.
Shifting Expectations
One of the most important things I tell my clients at Clear Mind Counseling (and remind myself) is that life is about shifting expectations. When you're a parent, the idea of a "perfect" balance between work, socializing, and family life just isn't realistic. Sometimes, the expectations you once held for yourself as a friend—the expectation to show up, be present, and always have time—have to evolve.
It's okay to not be as available as you once were. It's okay to be late to the party or cancel last-minute (with a sincere apology). Friendships with young children in the mix will inevitably look different, and that doesn't mean they are any less valuable or meaningful. Sometimes it's a quick text exchange or a 10-minute coffee chat on a Sunday morning while the kids play nearby. Other times, it might be months before you can schedule a full catch-up. And that's okay.
What matters most is the quality of the time you spend together, not the quantity. As your friendships evolve, learning to embrace that change is crucial for your wellbeing.
Communicating the Shift
What I've also realized is that communication is the key to preserving these friendships. Being upfront about new limitations and setting boundaries around your time makes a huge difference. Friends appreciate when you explain that while you can't attend a last-minute dinner, you'd love to plan something in the future. Learning to celebrate the small moments—like sending a text to check in or sharing a funny parenting story—keeps the connection alive. It's not about grand gestures anymore, but about staying present in whatever way you can.
At the same time, you've had to let go of certain expectations around these friendships. It's not that you don't care; it's just that, right now, your priorities are split. You still want to nurture those connections, but it will look different for a while. In the process, you and your friends can build a new kind of bond—one rooted in respect for the different lives you're living, while still finding the space to come together when you can.
The Takeaway
Navigating friendships as a parent to young children is undoubtedly a tricky balancing act. The demands on your time and energy change in ways you never imagined before becoming a parent. But this doesn't mean that friendships have to fade. It just means they need to adapt.
Understanding, patience, and communication are the foundations of maintaining these relationships. As parents, we have to let go of the pressure to do it all and instead focus on what truly matters—the love and connection we share with our friends. At the same time, we need to acknowledge that things will look different for a while, and that's okay. Friendships evolve, and when both sides embrace the shift, they can remain just as meaningful as they ever were.
At Clear Mind Counseling, we can't stress enough how important it is to prioritize these relationships—even if it's in new ways, as long as there is mutual understanding and respect. Life is hard, especially when you're a parent, but staying connected to the people who matter can make all the difference in keeping you grounded. And even if it's not as frequent as it used to be, those moments of connection are worth every ounce of effort.
Need Support Navigating These Challenges?
If you're struggling to balance parenthood and maintaining your important relationships, our team at Clear Mind Counseling is here to help. We offer virtual therapy sessions throughout Nevada, providing flexible scheduling options that work with your busy parent life.
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Remember, taking care of your relationships is part of taking care of yourself—and you deserve that support. The Struggles of Maintaining Relationships When You Have Young Children
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